Cut
by diatrif
Summary: Rating might change! Carmen have a lot of problems. She can't count on her family, she has no friends... so she cuts herself never too deep to die, but enough to feel pain and "reliefe", but does it really help?


**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately I do not own Harry Potter; if I did I would be writing Half Blood Prince for impatient fans (like me). But I do own everything you don't recognize.

Chapter 1,

So it begins… 

**"You disgraced your family, your blood, mixing up with those filthy muggle-lovers, and mudbloods. What happened to your pride, don't you care about your family? What a shame? I won't be able to look in the face my friends, you just ruined our reputation…are you happy now?!"** The loud voice echoed in the Great Hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Everyone in the hall was silent and listened to the howler. As soon as it was finished every pair of eyes stared at the pretty girl at the Gryffindor table. After few seconds hall erupted with wishers, and no one seemed to care that the receiver of this latter could hear every word of it.

The girl in question was Carmen Gilmore; she was tall and lean with great figure. She had long raven-black, silky and shiny hair, and deep blue eyes. Her skin was really pale but strangely it didn't contrast with her hair so much. She was 15-year old and just came to Hogwarts; formerly she was living in United States and went to the School for Magical Children in Connecticut. Her family moved to England because of some family business her dad have to do, she doesn't know what business he meant, but supposedly it has to do something with black magic, and cleaning wizarding world, like everything her father does. Her parents are typical 'pure bloods'. Her mother comes from the Malfoy family here in England, and her father comes from greatly respected and famous American family of wizards Gilmores. So lately her mother heard from her older brother Lucius about _business_ and they had to move here, her mother would never refuse Lucius offer she had no spine, and Carmen had to come to Hogwarts, where her cousin, Draco was also a student. Carmen was sorted yesterday and the sorting hat apparently didn't think that her parents dream house for her suited Carmen and it sorted her to Gryffindor. Carmen didn't actually know what it'd bring her, in her last school everyone was pureblood, and there was no houses well her parents made sure she went to the 'good' school, but what made her school better than others? She never found out, she even thought it was one of the standard schools they never won anything, unless you count the Quidditch Cu p of Connecticut from 50 years ago, but hardly anyone remembers it; in studies they were pretty good but not perfect.

But back to our story…

Carmen looked at the howler burning down, half conscious of the whispers in the hall. She could feel tears trying to fill her eyes, and she fought hard to not let them. She looked at the Slytherin table at Draco, he didn't do anything just stared at his empty plate, she didn't blame him he knew what it was like to have this kind of parents, and his were even worse, she bet they expected from him to be against her standing with them, and though he played his little game to please them, Carmen knew that Draco felt as bad as she did. The howler burned down leaving a scalded mark on the wooden table. People kept talking; she stood up and ran out the hall.

As soon as door closed behind her she broke, tears filled her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She ran down the hall passing by different classrooms, finally she reached the main entrance she flung the door open. She ran down the grounds to the greenhouses. She hid behind the greenhouse #4 and sat on the heap of soil, buried her head in her hands and cried the hell out of her.

"I _hate_ parents, I _hate_ this stupid hat, I _hate_ this school, I _hate _these houses, I _hate_ my life" she sobbed "Why me? I'd give up everything to have normal family that loves me and doesn't care which house I go to, what did I do wrong? I don't want to live like this anymore, I _hate_ my father and his pureblood shit I hate it, hate it, hate it!!! I have no friend, my family minds only their money and black magic I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS!!!" she practically screamed, and punched the glass wall of the greenhouse with rage, the glass smashed and pieces of it fall to the ground. Carmen looked at it, picked one up and looked at it carefully. It was really sharp, especially one of its edges she pressed her finger to it and felt painful prick, but it stopped after a millisecond; she looked at her finger and saw blood, not a lot you could hardly see it.

Carmen stretched out her hand in front of her, and brought the glass to her wrist. She pushed it, not strong enough to cut her veins, but just enough to feel strong pain. Carmen looked at the blood, which ran down her forearm up to her elbow, leaving red marks. Few droplets dropped to the ground. She observed it emotionlessly and felt sudden urge to do it again, so she did. She felt free for a while like all her problems disappeared, melt away she forgot that no one in her dorm wanted to talk to the death eater's daughter, that her parents were planning her whole life for her maybe even at this moment it all didn't matter now. Her emotional pain, and problems changed into physical pain and Carmen was relived it was so much easier this way, she got rid of all her tension that piled up inside her, she could finally breath.

Few more cuts later she looked at the watch and realized that she was late for potions, her first lesson in Hogwarts. She took out her wand and whispered the healing spell she learned long ago, when she got into fight with this other mean girl and didn't want to get in trouble. The cuts disappeared leaving only pinkish lines. Carmen took the piece of glass, and hid it in her pocket. Than she straighten up her robes, and walked back to school. When she reached the potion classroom, she checked her pocket to make sure she didn't forgot her glass; it was still there, she smiled she was ready to face the rest of the day.

**A/N: **Do you like it? I know it's really short but I just got this idea and started writing to not forget, but next chapters will be better, just tell me if I should continue, and if you have any ideas, or comments you're very welcome to share them with me.


End file.
